Welcome to Sensitive with an Edge for highly sensitive people who embrace their intensity, uniqueness, and value in this world. Join us on the exploration of relationships,
complex trauma recovery, non -conventional mindsets, neurodiversity, and themes that involve healing, growth, and empowerment. empowerment. Hi,
welcome to another episode of Sensitive with an Edge, the podcast that is sensitive to sounds and odors when you are. I'm Chris M. Lyon, I'm your host, and my co -host is Robin McCarron.
Hi, great to be here again. Thank you all for hanging out with us. We have some really cool stuff coming up, so settle in with us, and it's a special day. for those of you with that edge that we talk about.
Especially today. Yeah, especially the podcast today. Now, overall, we're doing this for highly sensitive people and those who love them. We've said that before. But if you consider yourself to be a sensitive person,
you can find this podcast helpful as well. And on this podcast, we're sharing opinions. Different people have different takes on how to sensitivity and the other topics that we talk about.
And you're free to do your research and form your own opinions. Yes. And this includes our future guests. Same with what they tell you as well. Yes. Today,
on the short cast, we're going to give you some helpful information on high sensitivity. We'll do a deep dive on resiliency, which is really cool. I can't wait. I'll talk about my story and an HSP with complex trauma working in the healing field.
I can wait for that though. Then we'll talk about one of my favorite topics that we don't talk about enough is we're talking about the intensity, which is the reason for the edge,
the word edge in this title. We're going to talk about the intensity of highly sensitive people. I am looking forward to hearing all of that stuff. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm sharing what I'm going to talk about.
learned from my own research, my personal life experience, and my professional experience with mostly highly sensitive clients over the past 24 years. So, real quick,
we're going to give you an acronym that Dr. Elaine Aaron uses to summarize the aspects of high sensitivity. The acronym is D -O -E -S.
That's does. Robin, can you tell us what that's stands for? Absolutely. D stands for depth of processing. O stands for over -stimulation.
E stands for emotional reactivity and empathy. And S stands for sensitivity to the subtle. Great. So some of those will be referred to in this episode,
of course. But first, let's talk about about HSP resiliency. Now, we referred to it in the last episode, and I have found that over all these years,
because I'm older, too many highly sensitive people don't think of themselves as resilient at all. Wow, I didn't know that. Right? And the ones that do not as much as they really are resilient,
right? That's That's number one unfortunate number two, it could be a big disadvantage, not realizing this. And on the last episode,
we spoke of caregivers, many HSPs were raised by that just don't understand or accept high sensitivity. True. So here's a huge reframe for some of you when we talk about this topic.
You may not have considered what I'm about to to say about resiliency, and I think it's important. From early childhood, many of you got judged, punished,
bullied, shamed, and rejected in large part due to your sensitivity, and you, while you take in so much at once and true to your nature,
you were hyper -comparing how much different you were to others. No one was celebrating any of this. This was rough for a lot of people. People pushed and expected you to live as non -HSPs.
And many of you tried to fill those boxes, while many of you also suffered from repeated trauma during those times. Now with all of that, you were still you in all your deep feelings and the intensity,
your imagination, your nature. all those things. You took so much information in it once, processed it more deeply while dealing with frequent overwhelm. And still you became leaders.
You became conscientious parents, professionals, teachers and mentors. You wrote books and created programs. You stood up for what's right and fair. You made deep connections and you have so much understanding.
and strong emotions regarding your fellow humans. We celebrate your resiliency here. And it's rare to hear something like this, Chris.
You know, I wish more people would talk about this. Right. We know that things can get challenging. We understand that. That's the best time to give yourself grace.
A lot of people don't do that. When you do that, when you do that, give yourself grace, in turn, it makes you more resourceful. And this means both physically and cognitively resourceful.
Doing that helps you actually work together with yourself rather than defeating yourself. This sounds better than having a victim mentality or even feeling hopeless and helpless.
Yes, it does. It's in the reason that I don't subscribe to chronically ruminating about how you how horrible and difficult things are, is because that becomes a belief. It becomes part of one's personality,
and then it continues to be one's reality. So keep that in mind. And I promise that I would share some of my own experience as an HSP with complex trauma working in the healing field.
From what I know, this is a sensitive content warning. Good point. Okay. True. Bye. I had, of course, like many of us did, very traumatic, very difficult childhood. And no one that I knew could relate at the time.
Not my friends, not other extended family members, not even my siblings in some ways. So it started out when I was born addicted to amphetamines. They were called black beauties.
And those were prescribed at the time by the doctor, so my mother wouldn't miscarry a second time. time. I was born withdrawing. My parents didn't know anything about this and my mother didn't take it very well.
It was back in the day, you could say. And things went downhill from there. When I grew up, there was abandonment, grief, neglect, violence,
all of that on a regular basis. Now by the time I got to a therapist as an adult, after a few visits, she said to me, you know, I've been practicing for 27 years and you have the worst childhood I've ever heard of.
I'm thinking, man, I haven't even told you most of it, right? But I was thinking, wow, I'm not really sure what to do with that. And I wasn't really sure. But you know, I mean, I'm glad she said it,
I guess good to know. I did have to look after my mother, who was the single parent in the household, and my brothers as well, a lot. While I was going through my own issues as a highly sensitive person,
who was masculine presenting, and then you throw in some religious trauma as well as the other stuff that's going on, people did not understand my intensity, my ability to discuss my emotions,
or even my depth as a kid. We lived in grief -soaked chaos. No fun. Now, according to the adverse childhood experiences study that was eventually conducted nationwide,
my score is so high that it puts me in the less than 0 .3 % of people who have the worst childhood. I do understand the struggles in childhood,
in the difficulties, I get it. The score for this is between one and 10. The higher the score, the more risk for toxic physiology. Now,
with an ACE score of four or more, things really start getting serious. There is significantly more probability and risk for serious mental health problems and physical disease.
So some examples of that are, and there's a lot of them, but I'll just give you a few, the likelihood of chronic pulmonary lung disease. disease increases 390 % when you're at that point,
when you have the score of four. There, you have more of a chance, 460 % more chance of getting depression. You have your chances of attempting suicide go up 1 ,220%.
- That's incredibly high numbers. - Yeah, there's lots of it. You have much more chance. of having a lot of things go very wrong that are very serious. My score is a nine. - You know,
if you wanna look up the test for yourself, you can search for it under adverse childhood experiences. That will take you to the ACE test,
which is A -C -E. Didn't you have PCOS too? - I did, sure. With the high sensitivity and complex trauma, you just add. add in metabolic syndrome,
it's good times. Thanks to all the constant cortisol dumping into my system in a crappy diet. Now, nobody had any idea that any of this existed that we didn't know about this stuff. And seeing how different I was than others,
I coped as best as I could. I had so much responsibility on me for so many years that there's times of the year that I would get really sick. Not just a cold, but pretty serious.
And I was forced to take down time at those times. One time after my mother got in a car accident, I took care of her and everyone else. This went on for a while and I just got really sick.
And I was pretty ill for two months with pneumonia. And I had, it was so much that I lost like 40 pounds. And at the end of it,
I had a near -death experience. And it was, it was a pretty bad experience. That's pretty serious. Yeah, but overall, I was resilient for sure. I may not have realized it back then.
And skilled from childhood, I had co -dependent friendships and relationships. Yep, where I was the go -to and I was the fixer because I made so much of other people's problems to be my problems.
I made them so much about me rather than letting them figure out figure things out on their own and taking better care of myself. Didn't know much about that. Now, one day when a friend was complaining to me about the same thing she had been complaining about for almost a year,
she was not happy. I mean, her boyfriend wouldn't let her go out and have a good time, but he kept going out and having a great time away from her, right? And getting other women pregnant. And something hit me,
you know, this was hard to hear. Some of my friends were screaming. unhappy and they were complaining nonstop. They were expecting me to continue to live their unhappy lives with them. They weren't willing to do anything to change it.
Now, as an empathetic, highly sensitive person, it was hurtful and draining to hear about the things that made them so unhappy while I kept trying to help them and it was completely disregarded.
Again, I had no idea about any high sensitivity. sensitivity. This was just, it was difficult. And this is the time that it hit me that this was a recurring theme.
So fast forward, I find out I'm an HSP and I have worked with clients, many who discovered themselves that they were highly sensitive, who come to me with issues that they want to change and they are willing to make the changes,
to invest the time and the effort to do that. Love it. I love it. Yeah. Love my work. I made up for all those codependent years by helping people make amazing change in their lives and being better to myself as well,
including removing all codependent relationships from my life, which I have done. I am so grateful and I'm honored to be able to learn and use tools and modalities that I've used for my own growth and healing process and to be able to help my highly sensitive clients take their lives to the next level that they know that they want.
So love that. Yeah. And as far as the CPTSD, you know, I'll put it out there. I smoked cigarettes. I partied and drank too much. I was bulimic for three years.
Nobody knew. I had no idea the damage it can do to the body. I went to the hospital. to the casino with friends too much. I had horrible sleep. I was always tired.
And I would numb myself a lot. I would numb, I would escape whatever I could do to not feel depression, grief, probably some anger, trauma,
just for a while. I even read 225 books one year. Talk about escaping, right? For me, it was. And I've managed to depression most of my life.
And again, I knew nothing about complex trauma. This is a newer term, but there was this inner voice that would always want better for me and still does. And with my long -time background in hypnosis,
I've been able to do powerful work with the mind. And I've learned to manage my life as an HSP with complex trauma, which involves nervous system healing and regulation every day throughout my day.
It's become a dear friend. And your story is so compelling and encouraging. You know, I can see how people can really relate to it when you share it with groups of people.
You know, and everyone has a story. Of course, there are variations of sensitivity and trauma. It's very personalized, but it's very real for each person. And we want to honor that. Your experience is very valid.
Now, I want to go into one of my favorite parts. of the podcast today. We're going to go into intensity. This is going to have another level to it, so stay with me on this. Now,
we've talked about HSPs being intense, and I'm telling you, many of us have an edge, and some may not have seen it that way, but I think we do. And as we mentioned previously,
HSPs can be intensely imaginative and extraordinarily creative. And they can be... enraptured with music, the arts, nature. Yes. In all of those ways,
they can experience transcendence. It's beautiful. And then being very focused on something they're excited about and they believe in. They can have a strong sense of fairness.
They can have deep empathy for animals and people. And they can feel very intense about their relationships. They love deeply. deeply and they're often intensely loyal and very passionate,
but they can also be deeply hurt. They are uncomfortable when things just don't seem to fit, such as like clothes or even the energy they feel from someone.
Yes, the energy they feel from someone. That's true. They can be intense about what they're wearing or the energy they're taking in. They can be intensely codependent or do an extreme extreme door slam,
shutting off from people who've hurt them enough. Many have done this. They can have a strong focus and rumination on offenses that others have done to them. And on a side note,
I know that a lot of them fantasize about how badly the other person must feel about how much they hurt them. - But they probably aren't.
Now, at most, people are thinking about themselves. I think when a lot of HSPs realize this, the rumination kind of is able to lessen a little bit, right? They're also very intense about their deep cognitive processing.
- They're also intense about alone time and enjoying alternative lifestyles, deep emotional talks and sharing. - True. So how great to be able to experience life so deeply and intensely. There's been research led by by social neuroscientists Dr.
Bianca Acivedo using fMRIs that has shown more brain activation in HSPs in what's called the insula. Now it's interesting,
that's a part of the brain that integrates moment to moment knowledge of interstates and emotions. Also your bodily position and outer events as well.
So this is where we have the the awareness of our body and self. And sometimes it's called the seat of consciousness. This suggests that we're more aware of what's going on around inside and outside.
Another thing that they got from the study was that overall brain activation, indicating empathy, was stronger in HSPs than non -HSPs when they looked at photos of faces that were showing strong emotion of any type.
type. Now that's intense. Lots of intensity all the way around. Lots of intensity. Then there's the ability to notice the subtleties around us, some in different ways,
and this is not necessarily because the five senses are strong, but as Dr. Aaron says, the brain areas that are more active when sensitive people perceive are those that do the more complex processing of sensory information.
Can you tell us more? about that? - Yeah, it may be a little confusing for some, but as an example, there's an example that she uses that's not so much the areas that recognize alphabet letters by their shape or even reading words,
but the areas that catch the subtle meaning of words. That's what we pick up on. When I think about this, I think about when I'm working with clients, I listen very closely. And of course, after so many years of practicing,
I can recognize patterns. patterns. Sure. But I feel like I can listen between the words sometimes and sense things like I have an acute outside view that can help my client with insights.
And many HSPs have told me they can do the same thing. There's a lot going on. No wonder there's overwhelm. No wonder, right? But wait,
there's more. Now let's go next level. level. You ready? Research shows that 50 % of HSPs are high sensation -seeking. Wow,
I had no idea. Right, and this involves, that does involve, risk -taking and impulsivity. These people prefer they even need to seek out new and novel stimulation.
Now that's while they're still having those HSP tendencies that prefer to limit risk and and carefully plan and do the observing first. So this push -pull dynamic has been described as one foot on the brake and one foot on the gas.
I'm sure some of you can relate to some of this. - This can be skydiving, rock climbing, or ziplining? - Yes, can you imagine? Okay, let's do this. Let's go.
Oh, it's a little chilly out here. Wow, that's really loud. Is my backup shoot secure? That kind of thing. Wow. Yeah, that's that's pretty cool Yeah, it's a nice little combo there.
Yeah, it is a nice combo. It could be a double -edged sword However for HSPs who are high sensation seeking it can also Mean that they enjoy having an intense experience with one other person That could be a part of it and you'd be surprised how many of my followers are into extra curricular intense one -on -one -on -one activities.
That's interesting. So in regards to intensity, does it matter if an HSP is introverted or extroverted? Well, HSP's are intense, whether they're introverted or extroverted,
either one. And I'm sure some of you out there would agree. So just to guess, are you, do you feel you're introverted or extroverted? I am both. Okay.
I'm an Amber. as well. And are you high sensation seeking? No, I'm not. Okay. I can be. I can be high sensation seeking,
but I can shut that off. So I can be either way. And I've had certain phases in my life that have been that way, in other words, that have been not. So strange.
You find that you were more sensation seeking when you were younger, and it's changes you've gotten older? I think in just certain phases, some when I was a kid and then not, and then some when I was a young adult and then not.
So I don't know, maybe it's just something that I turn off, not real sure, but everyone's unique, everyone's different. So some things to think about, definitely. Now, we've gone over the intensity.
You guys think on that. See if you have any questions for us about it. Now, being in HSP is not about changing who you are. are. Hoping strategies are important. Those help you to be less helpless and stuck and be more resourceful and resilient.
You can be more of who you really are. So here are some tips that we have that can help you kind of as a starter. Robin, you wanna list some of those? - Yes, of course. So the first one is manage your life as an HSP,
not as a non -HSP. - I say this a lot. I say it quite often. because I know the difference between trying to manage your life as a non -HSP and managing your life as an HSP.
It's day and night, right? And the quality of life is also a huge difference. So find and use coping strategies that work for you, okay? It just, different things work for different people.
Here are some suggestions of things you can do. You can take more time off and not feel guilty about it. you can take downtime before and after events that you know you're going to be overstimulated or overwhelmed,
have healthy boundaries, so you can have those connections that are so important to you without having that avoidance or resentment that can come up from time to time. So there are some starters on that one.
In the future, we can talk more about the subjects of taking things personally, being a fixer. fixer and codependent, and using your empathy against you. We can talk about that more.
What's the next one on the list? Know your strengths and skills. Yes, your superpowers, creativity, empathy, intuition. You choose which ones are yours. Having insight,
patience, being good at problem solving, deep connection, imagination, and there's more, right? A lot of us can. can imagine all the things and all the possibilities and translate that to others to help them to see it too,
it's pretty cool. - So the next one's believe and trust in yourself. - Yes, that you have special skills, special strengths, that you are resilient and you will figure things out in proactive ways if you choose to do so.
I want to underline, your value is not what you can do for other people, your value is in you. as a unique human being. So just those three points that we've made can help you to be more resilient and resourceful.
Just those three things. Let's go for a couple more. Yes. Okay. The next one would be build your support network. Really important. And this is kind of a two -parter. Find other HSPs who are underline going in the direction of growth and healing.
There's a special understanding amongst HSPs, especially ones who are aware of this and aren't kind of stuck in victim mode or aren't stuck in feeling the hopelessness that you mentioned earlier.
The people who are not highly sensitive, some of them will understand things about your high sensitivity and some won't, right? But they'll know that there are strengths and challenges involved.
just like they have, just like everyone else has, years are different, though. And it's interesting how some people can understand some of it. And I would suggest it starts with it being a genetic trait in the central nervous system,
and ending with the world needs HSPs. Now, don't throw a book at them, expect them to get it. That doesn't work usually. So don't try. And also focus on the fact that some of us are still trying to understand non -HSPs.
They need to be understood too. - And lastly, increase your comfort zone. This is carefully worded. - Right, and we've talked about that before. Make your comfort zone bigger,
not smaller. Regularly challenge yourself with change and things that are initially uncomfortable. There are ways to do this that can actually make you more grateful and be more resilient and resourceful for sure.
sure. I love those words, but get the comfort zone bigger. The smaller it gets, the more uncomfortable you're going to be anyway. People think that sensitive people are weak. We're very intense and resilient people.
We have this rainbow spectrum of thoughts, memories, feelings, plans, hopes, and dreams, and we crave and thrive with deep connection. I think these are great tips for an HSP.
And I do like that you touched upon how to communicate and share with a non -HSP who you actually are and how you relate to the world.
- I hope it helps. - Great, we have a question. - Oh, great. - Yeah. - From a listener, okay, cool, let's hear it. - So this is the question, is this it? I try to make everything just perfect for my guests who come for visits.
- I want to. them to relax and enjoy. The problem is afterwards I'm exhausted and overwhelmed, and when they leave, then I spend a lot of time in bed. I'm the host,
but it wears me out. What can I do to help with this? I love this question so much, and I relate. I really do. The mindset is usually that they want everything to be just right.
Comfortable, pleasurable, memorable, all the things, right? That can happen. That can happen. I know, I understand you want them to have the most amazing experience, everyone to be happy and unstressed.
But I want to share some considerations that can help you change up that mindset. Number one, you're not as overwhelmed. And number two, you have a better visit with your loved ones.
Now, I'll start out by saying that many people who complain about this, to me, they also have resentment for their guests by the end of the visit. That's rough too.
So let's mitigate that as well. Personally, it took me a long time. I shifted my perspective beyond my own perspective of wanting everything to be so great for everyone. A family member got impatient with me when I was giving them extra help when they were visiting and I didn't realize how off I was about these things until years later.
later. I realized that people want to have their own experience. They want to do like their own resting or their own exploring, sometimes their own planning. I also realized they may be uncomfortable with someone who's trying to make everything just right and having that stressful kind of hypervigilant energy around them.
It can't be that relaxing for them, right? - Right. - It may end up being stressful for your guests. People pick up. up on that nervous, preoccupied energy. And some people want to clean up and buy their own supplies.
They also may miss out on having more of your attention and being present. They're not going to appreciate the things you did as much as you do. And they should have their own growth and learning experience when traveling as well.
Let them have their experience. You can have more connection with them and more peace by. by just letting things happen. Line some things up, some generalized things, and let things play out. And this helps you have a better quality visit and then not to be so depleted and overwhelmed afterwards.
There you go. Make sure you send your questions in. We'd love to hear from you. You guys have been so great. Thank you so much for listening. And I wanna say that coming up, we're gonna have some really cool content on relationships and some-- very,
very special guests. I'm so excited about it. Yeah, me too, me too. If you subscribe and rate this on Apple especially and share the link, more people will learn about sensitive with an edge short cast.
That's true. You can share the link or you can share the link. You can do either one. You could share it or you could share it. You could share it or share it. There you go. go So we want to encourage you to check out all of our resources in the links and Definitely get on our email list to find out how to join our brand new empowered sensitive membership that will be launching And also how to work with me as
well If that's something that you want to do but in the empowered sensitive membership You can work with me and you can get some of my proven tools and resources. It's gonna be really really cool So we're excited about that now including hypnosis hypnosis too.
Make sure that you get on the mailing list, check out our resources. You guys have a great rest of your week, take good care, and we will be back with more good stuff on Sensitive with an Edge.
- Thanks for joining us. Sensitive with an Edge is a podcast created by Chris M. Lyon for highly sensitive people, seeking relatable and practical insights.
(upbeat music) While the content is designed to be informative and supportive, it is not intended as medical or clinical advice. Listeners are encouraged to determine their own sensitivity level and consult with a healthcare professional if needed.
Use and opinions expressed in this podcast are based on the knowledge and experience of the host and guests, and do not necessarily reflect the of any affiliated organizations or individuals.
